As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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