So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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