let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
