No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize