i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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