This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
