I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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