Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
