Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
