Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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