My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
