it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
