Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
