another moral hangover. fuck.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
