last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need to calm my uterus...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
