my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
