soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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