i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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