I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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