you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
