the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
