i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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