Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
