Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
