Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
smell my finger.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
