Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
