obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
