Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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