Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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