using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So. Much. Porn.
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