My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
