He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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