Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
