I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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