mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
