i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
