he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
