I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There are leaves in my underwear?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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