dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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