I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
