id be glad to
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize