just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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