Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
