Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
