i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
