Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
