What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
