there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
