Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
