Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
