so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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