dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
