i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We smell like vodka and hangover
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
