This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
