just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
