Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
