I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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