if you like me you must not know who I am
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
