the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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