I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
