I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
