If i come over, it means nothing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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