my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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