after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
