You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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