Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
