My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
