Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
