don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize