you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
