We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
