It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
