Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize