dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
