Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
