I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
soo... how was my night?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
