everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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