What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
