textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
