I'm going to jail i love you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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