you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
