I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Im part way to drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
