you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
