You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
