The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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