I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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