I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
