I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
