I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How external is "for external use only"?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
