I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
