we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
