You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As shirtless as possible
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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