I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
