Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
