so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
