So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
