everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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