It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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