he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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