I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
