Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
