You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
