just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
